I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. 

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO,now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol or diesel without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. Disfiguring me for life. 

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Gateau since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse..
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Have a nice day!

På fyra veckor har jag minskat 7 kilo och gått 323 kilometer.... fortsättning följer.

It was a busy  morning, about  8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have  stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at  9:00 am. I took his vital signs and  had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch and decided,  since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On  exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment  this morning. He  said no, he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast  with his wife. I inquired as to her health..

He told me she had been there for a  while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's  Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied she no longer knew who he was, she had not  recognized him in five years now .

I was  surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she
doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.' 
  
I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,'That is the kind of love I want in my life.' True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be..

With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails and on the web these days, sometimes there is one that  comes along that has an important message.

This one I thought I could share with you.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. 'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.'